and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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