my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
