"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
