Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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