4 words: hood of his car
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
