We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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