Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
