My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
