He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
