I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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