its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
