She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
