she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
