hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
