dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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