god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
