I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
