i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
