theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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