I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
