I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
