i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
