She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
