Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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