before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize