i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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