Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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