Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
