YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
