playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
