not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
