After last night, I could never be a politician.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
