Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
