how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
