I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
