Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
