I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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