CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
