i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
