There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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