dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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