I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize