When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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