I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
