apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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