anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
