Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You ruined the universe
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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