People with herpes should wear stickers.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
