There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize