Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
