I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
