I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize