dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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