Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize