The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
