she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
