I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
