you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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