apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
