Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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