this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
