finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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