I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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