I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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