I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
